You should never make friends with anyone with terrible taste in music. At one point or another, you might find yourself in their car.
You will probably regret the same tattoo you got with your new boyfriend. You will definitely regret the Twilight quote. Also, that inadvertently asymmetrical butterfly.
Nobody in reality likes “constructive criticism”.
People who park like idiots are terrible in bed. When you park like an idiot, you are self-centered, arrogant, and uninterested, none of which are ideal or even tolerable qualities in a lover.
When meeting a date in person for the first time since stumbling across them on a dating site, the biggest thing you can know for sure that you have in common is that you have both misrepresented yourselves in at least three ways.
The more styled her hair is, the more she will appreciate juicy gossip.
If you read more magazines than books, everyone thinks you’re boring. If you read more blogs than books, everyone thinks you’re good with computers. And if you read a lot of books, nobody wants to play Scrabble with you. Choose your reading material wisely!
If you often describe yourself as sarcastic, smart, or sexy, there is a 95% that you are none of those things. If you’ve ever described yourself as “not your average…”, there is a 100% chance that you are very average.
Unless you’re sharing, nobody cares what you made for dinner.
People who struggle with colour coordinating their outfits should never be allowed to voice their opinions when it comes to interior design decisions or helping you pick out an outfit.
After the first drink, you are never as sober as you think you are (Trust me, I really know this.)
If you’re constantly worried that people’s passive aggressive comments are actually about you, you are a horrible person.