The Name Blunder

That very awkward moment when you call your boyfriend by an ex’s name. For some reason, I couldn’t find any dating tips on this matter, which blows my mind because I am pretty sure the slip is bound to happen once in your life. I’m going to take a humorous look at what to do, or not do, when you accidentally call the love of your life by your ex’s name.

The scenario:

You’re head-over-heels in love with “Michael” and the last few months have felt like a dream. You have so much in common and you’re starting to feel certain that he’s “the one” for you.

Michael comes to fetch you on a lovely Saturday evening to have a fun night out.

You are driving in the car with him and you say to him “John, where would you like to eat dinner tonight?”

Deafening silence. Creek creek!!!!!!!!!!!

Your head spins as the reality of what just happened hits you. You don’t move your body in the hope that he didn’t just hear what you said…. Your stomach sinks.

Grasping for a thread of hope, you start to rationalize: “His favourite Killers song is playing, so maybe he was preoccupied…he’s concentrating on the road so he probably has no idea what I just said.”

But can you be sure? What should you do?

* Fact 1: You just called the new love of your life by someone else’s name and he     knows exactly which name...
* Fact 2: There’s a 98% chance that she or he heard what you just said.
* Fact 3: Things are going get really uncomfortable really quickly.
* Fact 4: You need a plan and PRONTO.

The Name Clanger

No matter how in love you are and happy you are, you’re not immune to calling your partner by the name of a past lover. The name drop is most likely to take place when you least expect it (well I don’t think anyone anticipates something like this), and there doesn’t have to be some over analysed reason for this slip of the tongue. (It doesn’t mean you subconsciously want you’re ex back!)

Mere repetition in saying someone else’s name for so long accounts for most of the name clangers that occur.

But by saying old habits die hard probably won’t comfort the person on the receiving end of the name slip. There’s no way around it: being called “Jim” (when there is no similarity in either of the names) is probably going to put a damper on your plans for a blissful evening out. You don’t want relationship problems taking over because of a little mistake.

I have no idea how you save yourself from this awkward turtle moment. So my solution is doing something that will completely divert ones thoughts away from what just happened —you must cover up your mistake. Yes, my little gremlin, I am suggesting you take the cowardly way out.

The Commotion Technique

In our opening example, the woman who called her new boyfriend (Michael) by her ex’s name (Jim) had several good options available to her. Remember, Michael was driving when he was called Jim—being out of Michael’s visual field gave his girlfriend a big advantage. She needed to think quickly.

Here is what she could have done:

a) Quickly scream and point. Since the goal is to distract and disorient the victim of the name clanger (in order to save face), “Oh my God! That beggar has one leg! It gave me a fright baby”

Convincing follow-up is very important: You would then need to act sad and emo for a few moments, convincing him that this really disturbed you.

b) Otherwise, always follow with the faint technique. While you have to be pretty shameless for this one, it is effective in covering up the name slip. It would be ideal if your partner was looking directly at you.

After the last syllable leaves your mouth, act as though you’re light-headed and put you head between your legs. The effectiveness of this method rests on making your partner feel concerned and worried about you.

Your partner will make attempts to find out if you’re okay and will try to comfort you. Remain “unresponsive” for about a minute and stare pale faced at your partner. After some time has passed, repeat the following: “What just happened? What’s going on? Where are we?”

Conclusion- Some really awesome methods to help you avoid the upsetting balls up of a common relationship dilemma. I realise that you may be the type of person who feels uncomfortable with the idea of using deceptive cover-up methods that may upset your partner.

If you’re someone who prefers a relationship built on integrity rather than tacky cover-up tactics, it’s imperative to remember that while being called by an ex’s name is horrible, it’s a common faux pax that occurs because of sheer repetition. If your partner has dated a guy named “Barry” for six years before you came into her life, her brain is very used to saying “B-a-r-r-y.” Try not to make a big deal out of it.

What Michael’s girlfriend could have done: Give Michael a heart-felt apology, assure him that she doesn’t have her ex-boyfriend on her mind, and tell him how important he is to her.

Either way, you fucked up. Get over it!!!

xxx