Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace

Do we choose the cards we are dealt? Or does life just happen? Are our lives completely mapped out or can we change our paths constantly so that we don’t get dealt really shitty cards?

I have been rather blessed in most aspects of my life. I had an incredible up bringing with a really amazing family. I feel my parents taught me to be wise and foolish; to be subtle and loud and to live life to the full. I have always been the one to plan, to map out my future, but we all know that it’s a pretty impossible task. I can’t think of any crap or terrible card I have been dealt, except for the basic crashing of a car, loss of a grandparent or a broken heart- okay the Grandparent thing totally sucks but it is the way of life, that’s what I am getting at. But those are normal things to go through when growing up and living life.

What I am trying to get at is that I have done “bad” things in my life, we all have yet I have a pretty incredible life so punishment from the mighty power still hasn’t arrived. (Touch wood). So, why is it that some people just have a really crappy life? 

Or do some just learn from the mistakes they make and make sure never to allow it to happen again? The mistakes that we can control, the card we choose not to play?

I was in love with a guy who was my everything- he dumped me pretty much out the blue. So for that traumatic experience I removed him from my life entirely. I didn’t want something that negative apart of my life. Time passed, and so did the anger and the pain. I heard from him a while ago and accepted him back into my life; he wanted to try the “friend” thing.

Then I see him about 2 weeks ago, after 9 months of not talking. We talk, I say goodbye and I receive a text saying “I Love You”. This is confusing to any female. But the even funnier thing is that I see on the ever so wonderful Facebook that he is now dating a new girl. The sad reality is, he wont change, or maybe he will, but he doesn’t want to. I considered seeing where the ‘new’ us could go, but I remembered what happened last year and decided to remove myself from it.

That whole scenario could have been another hand of shitty cards but it wasn’t, it turned out to be a fabulous hand, which brought lots more happiness and joy in the end.

Maybe when we get dealt bad cards, we play them better? That has to be it, or are some poor souls destined to have drama all the time?

A mate of mine told me yesterday a horrifying thing she has to deal with. She has made major mistakes in her life but at the same time, she wasn’t blessed into an easy life like I was. She is smart, attractive and a gentle soul yet has had more disaster and trauma in a year than I will ever have in a lifetime. She hasn’t been blessed with lots and when I am around her, I am just constantly grateful for the things I have.

I know we hear that hardships are a part of life that everyone must deal with. That these hardships can either enable you to succeed or cause you to fail. I also do believe the outcome of these obstacles all depend on how these situations are handled. But I don’t understand why some people have to handle more than others?

The reality is that we get dealt certain cards, there is no reason why we cant ask for another hand, or when we choose to play it, play it like a winner, play it like it’s the only hand we will ever be dealt.

I think we will never understand the reasons for things happening. I just hate seeing people close to me deal with trauma, and the fact is, we have no idea why it happens. But this girl, is stronger than I could ever be, and maybe that’s not such a bad thing. We are always told to learn from our mistakes yet disaster is always around the corner. I guess we cant fear it, but rather face it, head on and kick the shit out of it!

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