I Shall Imagine Life: Tiger of Sweden Launch

I Shall Imagine Life: Tiger of Sweden Launch: Religion Junior Brand Manager, Ashleigh Greenleaf in a Neon Cambridge Satchel and Sheer Cobalt Mullet Blouse Top, Forever New; Skirt, H&M...

Eyewear: Round Sunglasses

Wayfarers and Aviators move over, there’s a new shade in town; enter round lens sunglasses.


Our gorgeous intern Matthieu De Jong is sporting these hot round sunglasses that he got in Amsterdam and I am just loving it!!!

John Lennon was never without his pair, whilst Ozzy Osbourne can’t be separated from them even now, day and night.

It's not a look that will work for every face, but if you can pull it off, now's the time to try. Square faces look best in round glasses because they help soften those strong, angular lines around your chin and jaw. It's time to put your Wayfarers aside....just for a little bit, say goodbye to oversize squares, and embrace the round frame.

xxx

 



Sexy bum

xxx

My celery epiphany

Even though I like to think of my refrigerator as that thing that magically keeps my wine nice and chilly and just the way I like it, I occasionally feel that while eating out every single day might be great for my inner happiness and Yelp credibility, it is not the healthiest (nor the most cost-effective) way to live my life. However, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: nothing feels as good as mozzarella sticks taste. Nothing! Not a thing. I think that by now, we’ve all realized that true happiness comes from within an appetizer sampler platter.

Regardless, sometimes I decide to go food shopping. I don’t really know much about healthy meals but I do know that I’m always so tempted to pick up a pack of celery.

It just seems like the right thing to do, and more importantly it seems like the thing that Martha Stewart or Anna Wintour’s assistants would do, so I do it too. I always buy celery because for a moment, as I wheel my cart o’ celery around, I feel like I know that everything is going to be okay because people with no sense of purpose just don’t have the insight that I have, as a purpose-laden shopper, to buy celery. Whenever I’m in the store, I always envision myself snacking on celery while I watch reality television, feeling completely Posh (the Spice Girl, not the adjective) and satiated.

I have a vivid imagination.

Some might say that celery is delicious with peanut butter or “ranch” dressing, and this is utter bullshit. Peanut butter is what’s good. “Ranch” is what’s great. But celery? Do you know what celery tastes like in actuality? Crunchy face wash.

I hate celery. Never again.

It's all in your head!

I used to start off — and this is lowballing it — 20% of my sentences with something synonymous to “I know I’m being overly analytical, but…”

I would then, of course, proceed to be overly analytical. About everything. But mostly nothing. And more nothing. And no one ever stopped me.

See, instead, they listened to me. Agreed with me. Metaphorically dissected with me. Led me to believe that it was normal and acceptable and a good use of time to spend my Fridays data mining my surroundings.

And this is how I lost sleep over things like questionable punctuation and suspicious rescheduling of activities and cryptic eye contact and what does it all meeeeeaaaaan? Because I didn’t have someone around to tell me to knock it the fuck off.

Because I didn’t have someone around to tell me that sometimes “I just think we should be friends” means they really, truly just want to be your friend. Sometimes you were wearing a red dress in your dream because you had to wear something. Sometimes when people are short with you, they’re just having a bad day. Sometimes their CAPS LOCK WAS JUST ACCIDENTALLY ON. Sometimes it was an honest mistake. Sometimes an ambiguous status update has nothing to do with you, because, you know, they know other people too. Sometimes they really were busy. Sometimes they were trying to be polite, not sexist. Sometimes people we just on a lot of cocaine. Sometimes it was just a coincidence, not a sign.

Sometimes there just isn’t any deeper meaning.

Also, your best friend doesn’t know or care what your mother-in-law/your crush/that girl at the shops wore/that post on your Facebook wall/your dog really meant any more than you do. She wants you to stop calling her at 1 a.m. and e-mailing her at work with subjects like “URGENT!!! IS THIS FREAKY OR IS THIS FREAKY???”

Your boyfriend originally thought it was cute and quirky that you told him that your zodiac signs are basically incompatible, but with a lot of work, you just might make it. However, now he’s starting to think you’re kind of weird.

Your Facebook friends are beginning to hide you from their newsfeed en masse. You are that friend.

And your mom has been screening your calls lately. Last week, when she told you to just “let it be,” she meant to just let her be.

(By the way, this is your sign to knock it the fuck off.)

Birds of Tokyo- Plans

We made plans to kiss the sun at night

Hopeless dreamers, hopeless types

Shedding skin you show your beauty scars

Don't forget me or who you are


You know this don't feel right Who knows what we feel?
I just met you I can read your thoughts

What they tell me is what I want

I'll keep you guessing keep you wanting more

'Cos where we're going no one knows


You know this don't feel right

Who knows this could feel right


I just met you, I swear I read your thoughts

So don't forget me or what you want


Light up the stage, make your move, give me something

So I can dance in your light and to your rhythm


Soon it unfolds who we are in this masquerade of stars


Soon it unfolds who we are in this masquerade of stars

Tear off the mask, the face you hide is what I'm missing


We made plans to kiss the sun at night

Hopeless dreamers, hopeless types

One was turning, one was standing still

I won't forget what was promised here




You know this don't feel right

Who knows what we feel

xxx

Metallic and Sequin... I love!

Today in the office we are rocking the metallic and sequin trend.

I am wearing a metallic gold dress from Zara, and Gina is wearing a sequin top from BCBG

I have spotted all things that glitter and sparkle and we are loving the new UK Instyle cover with gorgeous Diane Kruger on the cover trending a gorgeous gold sequin AW 2011 Dolce and Gabbana dress.

Also the September Vogue Cover oozes sex appeal with a turqouise long sleeve mini dress

xxx

Self-esteem...Hmmmmm

It’s not easy to do things you’ve never done before — it starts with walking, continues with learning to accessorize and applying to university, tests your patience when you become convinced that Wits or UCT left several key steps out of their instructions, and gets a little dicey around the time you realize the baby in your arms isn’t made of plastic (it’s actually your cousin Emma), and is relying on you to make sure it doesn’t die.

(bahahaha okay I just think this is so funny....)

Luckily, there are things and people in place to aid us with taking on such tasks.

Our parents are there to hold our hands until we know it’s okay to let go. Our friends and the latest edition of Vogue let us know that skinny belts are on the way out and our guidance counselors help us see that rocking brassy highlights isn’t what the essay prompt meant by “overcoming adversity.” The parenting classes we attend assures us that our baby doesn’t hate us, and our mothers inform us that we also dabbled in the art of feces finger painting and we turned out just fi– well, we turned out, didn’t we?

If you’re anything like me, however, you start to notice that there are things nobody really talks about. Things nobody can really help you with. Things that are kind of a big fucking deal. Like balancing what you’re supposed to do with balls with what you actually feel like doing with balls, how to recover from hitting “reply all” on an e-mail with less than favorable sentiments regarding half of the recipients, and, most importantly, your self-esteem.

My approach towards my self-esteem has always kind of been like, whatever. It’s like a grumpy drunken uncle who I deal with whenever I have to, but other than that, I sort of live my life pretending it doesn’t exist. So far, so good, right? The thing about self-esteem, though, is that you don’t actually notice there’s anything wrong with yours until you realize how much it has led you and your life down the pathetic path less traveled.

It begins easily enough: You talk yourself out of buying the dress you want because you’re convinced your boobs are too small or your stomach is too big or your hips are too wide. I mean, everyone feels that way at some point or another, so you justify your disgust by thinking it’s natural and basically acceptable to completely despise your reflection. A mini-meltdown in the dressing room over a piece of cotton is just the way you roll.

Later that night at the grocery store, you bump into the guy who sat next to you in your English literature class two years ago who you always thought was charming and funny and adorable and insightful, but a little shy. You think about asking him if he wants to hang out sometime, but decide not to because he probably doesn’t feel the same way. I mean, why would he, right? Goodbye, almost future husband, you whisper as he walks away from you in the cereal aisle.

The following week at work, you discover that a colleague who performs the exact same tasks as you and has been with the company for less time has received a promotion. For a moment, you think about asking for a raise, but then quickly decide against it. You don’t want to seem pushy or ungrateful or annoying or jealous.

After work, you go out with your friends and one of them poses a moderately intellectual question. You think you know the answer, but you begin to wonder if you really know the answer, and so you bite your tongue to avoid embarrassment in the event that you’re wrong. A few moments later, someone else answers instead — with your answer — after Googling the information on his or her Blackberry.

This is the sort of shit that you’re used to. And you wonder why your life sucks.
It’s not easy to do things you’ve never done before — which is why this is going to be challenging — but it’s time to get real and call self-esteem what it really is: Self-doubt. There are three things that are good about self-doubt. Can you name them?


Trick bloody question! Nothing is good about self-doubt. Self-doubt cheats you out of a cute wardrobe, sabotages your opportunity lure eligible bachelors back to your pad, annoys your friends, causes unnecessary anxiety, and ensures that you will always be questioning your competence and crossing your fingers when you check your bank balance. Self-doubt is the only thing standing in the way of the life you deserve.


This is why you have to kill your self-doubt. Seriously______ it needs to die.

Its weaknesses are compliments from other people (pay them if you have to — this is vital!), flattering lighting (public mirrors are public tears), convincing yourself that people who reject you just can’t handle all of that perfection (it’s not lying if it makes you feel better), and, if you’re taking notes, get out your highlighter: Simply not giving a fuck.

Say it with me: Fuck you, self-doubt. We’re fabulous :P

xxxx

Those precious 5 seconds...

A few months ago I was at the movies  preparing to hand over R100 for some popcorn and Crème Soda ( usually my green ambulance choice of beverage) when I saw this girl drop a handful of popcorn onto the floor. The black floor. She dropped her handful of popcorn onto the black, carpeted abyss of diseases and delights masquerading as a floor. The same floor that receives ample face time with soles of shoes that are most likely not strangers to city streets and public bathroom tiles.

So when she bent over, picked up the contaminated popcorn, and tossed it back into her mouth while gleefully justifying her decision to her friends by saying, “5 second rule!” and was met with knowing nods, it became clear to me that I could never trust anyone with any issues regarding basic health and sanitation ever again.

Although this particular 5 second rule doesn’t apply to me (My policy is: If your lunch hits the floor, you get the green light to have an extra cookie with dinner to make up for it. You do not shrug and assume carpet fuzz and traces of H1N1 were all, “Wait, it hasn’t been 5 seconds yet! Don’t touch that sandwich!”), there are plenty of other things that can be decided in 5 seconds:

Within 5 seconds of flipping the channel to a football game, I know that hmm… yup, I still hate sports.

Within 5 seconds of standing in line at the grocery store, I know how Heidi Montag feels about her plastic surgery, Mel Gibson’s therapist really has his hands full, and that celebrities tend to leave the “and moderate cocaine use” bit off the end of their response to the question, “How do you stay so slim?”

Within 5 seconds of a new song starting, I know whether or not the person who recommended it to me should be unfollowed, de----friended, and sent into social media exile.

Within 5 seconds of looking in the mirror in the morning, I know if my hair and I are going to have a problem.

Within 5 seconds of looking at a garment, I know how it (better) look on me and where I will be wearing it.

Within 5 seconds of boarding a plane, I feel like I know I’m going to die. Sometimes I’m wrong.

There is a myth I’d like to dispel, however. I don’t know how it got started, but rumor has it that women know within 5 seconds of meeting a man whether or not they would sleep with them, and I just want to set the record straight: This is totally untrue and, frankly, insulting, because we usually don’t find out approximately how much you make in a year, which celebrities are members at your country club, whether or not there are founding fathers in your family tree, and where all of your summer homes are located until we’ve been talking for at least five minutes!


So rest assured — you get about 300 seconds

xxx

Ramblings...

There are some fine lines in life that regrettably just can’t be averted by generously applying firming anti-gravity mixtures of unicorn tears and Scandinavian spring water while mainlining Botox. These include (but are not limited to) the following:

When you realize that you’ve added “pregaming” to your before-bed routine, does that make you an alcoholic or a human?

When you put on your Wonderbra for a first date, do you appear sexy or do you appear to have just successfully Photoshopped yourself in real life?

When someone starts telling you a story and ten seconds in, all you can think is OH MY GOD HOW CAN ONE PERSON BE SO BORING, but you humour them anyway, does that make you a good listener or a bad friend?

When you play the lottery, does that make you an optimist or, like, really, really, really bad at probability?

When you’re convinced that the only reason you and your celebrity crush have yet to tie the knot is because he hasn’t met you yet, are you a crazy confidant or a crazy delusional person?
When you’re visibly intoxicated in >50% of your Facebook pictures, are you a budding socialite or a definite train wreck?

When you know all of the words to Justin Bieber’s “Baby,” are you Justin Bieber or should control of the car radio/anything/everything never be left in your hands?

When you’re constantly looking for ways to lose weight without incorporating any form of exercise into your daily routine, are you really ambitious or really lazy?

When your boyfriend leaves your house and tells you he’ll call you when he gets home and 6 hours later — nothing — so you naturally assume he must have died and call him 25 times in a row, are you super caring or super creepy?

When you tweet more words than you speak per day, are you a social media expert or a social pariah?

When your friend’s cheekbones finally start to show at age 25, do you assume she’s dabbling in plastic surgery or that she’s dabbling in meth?

When you take note of the fact that your OK Cupid date severely misrepresented his height, weight, eyebrow situation, and sense of humor, are you being observant or being judgmental?

And when you know more about what the Kardashians did over the weekend than what some politician did wherever politicians do things, does that make you selectively up to date with current events or everything that’s wrong with our generation?

xxx